Reasons why I have finally come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, a writer.
1. I try to clean the house. I get up from the computer, put dishes in the dishwasher, pick up dirty clothes, then stop and sit back at the computer and continue tweaking things in my story. I can’t stay away from it. My mind wanders and I think of things to add to the story, but don’t know where, so they find their home in sticky notes on my desk. I have been coming to the difficult conclusion that I do in fact write. It has been difficult for me to actually call myself a writer though. I have to question what makes me a writer. Am I an aspiring writer because I haven’t been published? I don’t think so. A writer is someone who is consumed by it. A musician is a musician even if he/she has not “made it” and a writer is a writer even if he/she is not published. If they are actively doing what they are meant to do, then that makes them that. There is no way around it. That is why I love that quote in the above picture, if you can’t quit, then you are a writer. I can’t quit this. I was away from it for awhile and it felt like I was going to explode. Better yet, it felt as though I would just float away because nothing was keeping me grounded.
2. In pondering my thoughts on writing and being a writer it made me start to analyze myself and in analyzing myself I was brought to yet another conclusion that solidified the fact that I am a writer. I am always in the mode of analyzing situations and trying to figure out why things happened as they did. What is the driving force behind each of us? What is it that makes us do what we do? I analyze people and situations constantly and I am just now realizing that this is just my writing brain at work. I have thought for years As a writer, I often wonder if it is because of this that I am constantly analyzing myself as well. I want to know why I do things. I look deep inside and try to figure out why I thought or reacted a way that I did. I cannot go five minutes without trying to figure out human emotions, whether it be mine or others. This is what makes a good book–it taps into human emotion and allows us to see ourselves in a new light.
3. When I am not writing, I am thinking about writing. Before I began to write earlier this year, I would be doing something throughout the day and I would either be thinking of scenes in my mind or I would be finding words to describe the current scene that was playing out in my life. The thing that changed the last few months was that I acknowledged this. I accepted these thoughts and instead of letting them just float by me, I grabbed hold of them and pulled them back down and started putting them to paper. My mind moves through words and phrases frequently and I can’t make it stop…I don’t really want to either. Description is something that goes on constantly in my mind and what I have been trying to work on in my writing is putting those descriptions onto paper. I need to slow down the thoughts to a snail’s pace at times to get them out of me. I feel for those that have read some of my work before I have had a read through. When I write, I do not have an outline. I sit at the computer, close my eyes, and I let the story flow out of me. I watch the story unfold behind my closed eyes and all I do is put it to the screen. There are many spelling errors and grammatical errors, but that first phase that I have been in for most of the year is just getting it out of me. The more I get out of me, the better I feel. Writing has become like a drug to me. When I write I feel as though I can see things more clearly. I can hear things more clearly and I can feel things more deeply. Honestly, I seem like a crazy person to others when I talk about how much I love it. But, my hope is for everyone to find what it is they love and to hold onto it. What makes you crazy? What makes you feel whole and crazy in love with life?