The Universe is Awesome

Hello people of the interwebs.

I have been busy working on dissonance, the second book in the Bohme series. As I have worked on it I have also been deep in thought. Go figure. I am always deep in thought. I analyze everything, even myself. That is one thing I do share with my character of Wynn.

That said, I am going to be honest with all of you, because I feel honesty is something that is underused and undervalued in our world today. I know some authors have shared about the writing experience before and as authors we share a piece of ourselves in every portion of our writing. It isn’t our story, but we are the creators of it. I’m not sure about other authors, but I do know that for myself, everything I do creatively has to have an underlying truth to be discovered in it. I cannot write anything that’s sole purpose is to just entertain. Maybe that is being pretentious, but it’s my truth.

Each of us are given this brilliant life here on planet Earth and I am unable to just get by. I cannot write something that doesn’t make me think as I do it. I cannot read a book that is simply to entertain and doesn’t have moments that have me evaluate myself as a person. I love poetry and authors that challenge the very idea I have of myself.

I find people that have tapped into this part of themselves–the creative, deeper part that doesn’t just accept the here and now but digs into the why of everything–to be my kindred spirits. I might be turning some people off by saying this, but for those of you that get it and understand, I hope it will make you feel like you’ve found a kindred spirit in me.

Now, onto why I think the universe is fucking amazing. Here is the first page of dissonance. :

The figure dressed in black climbed the fire escape to the top of the apartments. Once on the roof, they turned toward the wall of the adjoining building. With a roll of the shoulder, the shadow of a human pulled out the spray can from their baggy pants.

Shaking the canister in preparation, the figure walked with fearful determination toward the wall. This was it—this was the moment that was going to be the first step on the path. There is no turning back. Once the paint spreads across the darkened bricks, the question will be raised, though the silent figure will not hear the answer.

Questions, questions, questions—so many of them floating in the figure’s mind.

This is as it should be—questions waiting for answers. No one can answer for another, but it’s the question that everyone must ask themselves. Every answer will form from this one.

The figure, the writer, painted a quick silhouette of a hooded persona painting the wall. Then with broad strokes above the painting, the writer posed their question.

Who are you, really?


Now, remember that question at the end. WHO ARE YOU REALLY?

I know this is a question that many people have posed. It isn’t something I just discovered. But unfortunately, I do believe not many people want to ask that question. It’s a scary fucking question to dig into. No one else can truly answer that for you. You have to look inside and only you can figure it out.

For the last few weeks as I have been busy editing, I have lost touch with my story. I have been so preoccupied with others’ words and reviews for my book, penance. that I lost sight of why I began writing in the first place—to find out who I was. I began this journey of writing not because I wanted to be famous or sell thousands of books. No I started this because the mere process of creating a story and stringing words together is what I love–it is who I am.  Better yet is a way for me to discover more of who I am.

Today, something amazing happened. I was traveling along the information super highway, getting pulled in various directions. What started as a research into essential oils brought me to a man’s Facebook page.  This man goes by the name of Prince Ea and he is amazing.

The first video I watched by him is called Why I Think This World Should End and it brought me to tears. Then I watched another video on his page called What No One Wants to Say About Ferguson. Please watch the video below in its entirety. When I watched that video, I felt a connection to him. He spoke words that I have been thinking for quite some time. But you know what is freaking amazing? He asked the same question WHO ARE YOU.


In closing I need to get something else out there while I am still being honest. One of the things that some people may fail to realize is that authors read EVERY single review written about their book. At least indie authors do. I have learned to step back and not read them as regularly though.  One of the most difficult things for me to read was the comments about how the conversations and the thoughts were unrealistic in penance.

That made me feel pretty bad–not for myself but for the fact that there are people that don’t have conversations like that?! I have conversations like that all the freaking time.  I am thankful to be surrounded by a group of friends that are open and willing to have conversations about deep things in life. The spirit of the group of friends in The Bohme is a good representation of my friends, though none are specifically any of them. I hope that people could have that kind of open friendship with others in life. Life is meant to be that way. It isn’t meant to be closed off from the world only speaking on the trivial.
There were also comments about Hannah being too forgiving. One thing I must say, if you watched the first video by Prince Ea, you will understand why she forgave. Life is too short not to forgive. I believe Hannah  would understand that. She lost her sister suddenly without the opportunity to seek forgiveness.  She wasn’t going to to do the same thing with her father.
And now in closing…yet again. I may have turned some people off by my comments. But I had to say it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and so am I. But if anything, I hope you enjoyed the opening page to dissonance as well as the amazing videos by Prince Ea. He is an amazing guy.

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